The Spirit In Aviation Church is Way too Straightforward- The Religiopreneurship

I have always expected the Holy Spirit to be a little covertly. My mother’s holy spirit does not prove the might of the holy trinity by forcing Himself in and out of people under strict directions of the clergyman with a dark suit. Probably a suit darker that the man’s secrets.The spirit that controls the aviation church by Pastor Munyuru is not what I expect from an all powerful God. Note that my omission of the word, ‘Holy’ when referring to the spirit in that church was VERY intentional. And because such matters of faith and spirits are not mine to judge, I will just pen my opinion.

Earlier today, I was perusing through the channels with the hope of find something on Mike Sonko’s acting Vice President saga. Instead, I ended up in Aviation TV where Pastor Munyuru was extorting demons from his congregation. I ended up reading my Bible where Jesus commanded demons to leave a man and enter a herd of pig feeding nearby. I didn’t get it, neither did I come close.

One of the most baffling things is the ability to tell anecdotal stories possessed by the demons driven out by Pastor Munyuru. These demons must have been writers, orators, and broken souls during their stay in heaven. I also noticed a demon that made a man rap in Kisii like he was possessed by 2-Pac; my professional opinion remains that such a man should quit and get recorded, with or without demons and spirits.

I can’t help but imagine what would happen if my mother could command the holy spirit like the PASTOR. Maybe I would have been eating quicker meals after my mom’s enchantment on the ingredients and the plates, which would fly around the kitchen with hot tears dropping from the mother’s closed eyes. Her lips would go all dry with enchantments. ‘Pika Ile, Pika Yeye, Toa Chumvi Kidogo, Chumviii tokaaa’.

If men had such power to command, they would act like Harry Potter. You are hanging out in a bar, and you run out of money, instead of checking your accounts, you just put your wallet on the table, point it with a magic wand and yell, ‘Brieftasche mit Geld.’ Later, you would take your million dollars and buy enough booze. It would get hilarious if a girl showed up your door claiming to carry your baby. All you have to do is touch her belly with your wand, close your eyes and whistle, ‘‚löschen Fötus‘and boom, and you are a bachelor again. Clearly, what Munyuru is doing is magic and not redemption, but who am I to judge.

If men had such power to command, they would act like Harry Potter. You are hanging out in a bar, and you run out of money, instead of checking your accounts, you just put your wallet on the table, point it with a magic wand and yell, ‘Brieftasche mit Geld.’ Later, you would take your million dollars and buy enough booze. It would get hilarious if a girl showed up your door claiming to carry your baby. All you have to do is touch her belly with your wand, close your eyes and whistle, ‘‚löschen Fötus‘and boom, and you are a bachelor again. Clearly, what Munyuru is doing is magic and not redemption, but who am I to judge.

What pastor Munyuru is doing is not only illegal but also reduces our preparedness when we meet real demons. People are used to calming and negotiating demons that the idea of a demon that challenges the holy power remains a tale. There is an extortion that made me write this post. The pastor summons a woman who is so prepared that she had already wrapped a leso around her waist waiting as a necessary precaution if you are planning to roll on the ground- bills won’t pay themselves I suppose.

As a writer, and after my extensive acquaintance with great poets, orators, and actors, whose wisdom I have enjoyed for many years, I know something about acting. I am sorry for sounding like my friends from Kisumo, but the intensity of these aggravating matters whose comprehension remains out of my grip saddens my being and compels my bilingual mastery to action. One sure thing in acting, as Boera Biaki, who is one of the talented young actors will confirm, people always rehearse. I might have never rehearsed anything in my life but my circumcision songs, but I can tell for a fact that that woman was over prepared; to the extent of borrowing a leso to avoid showing her booty under the siege of Munyuru spirits.
The woman walks up the dais and the cinematographer adjusts the equipment to capture the unfolding moments. The pastor without further ado lifts his hand and enchants what sounded to me like a cocktail of Arabic and very medieval Kisii. The woman lifts her head like an automaton and edges her eyes to the pastor. The support crew runs behind her, and she follows the lead by falling to the ground rather safely for a deadly demon. Kneeling over her the pastor had a very lovely chat with the demons.

‘Why have you tied her?’ The pastor asked calmly, and the demons responded as if the two have met before.
‘I won’t untie her’ The demon smiled.
‘What have you done to her?’‘I have tied her womb; she will never give birth. Every time she tries to invest in her life, I will always destroy her. She is mine Mtumishi’. Pastor Munyuru noticing the demon is getting out of line winked and the demon rephrased.

‘I have tied her womb; she will never give birth. Every time she tries to invest in her life, I will always destroy her. She is mine Mtumishi’. Pastor Munyuru noticing the demon is getting out of line closed one eye and the demon rephrased.
“Jesus, Jesus, we will remain in her, we will remain in her’ at first the demon said slowly waiting for the pastor’s approval that the tone was right, but the vigor wasn’t. He taps her on the shoulder, and the demons shook her vigorously. Honestly, I never knew that words escape demons too.

‘Your time is over; sssssshhhhhhh come out… Pu pu pu pu pu pu pu… I command every snake spirit; you will burn in every hole in hell. I rebuke you. Come out! Come out! Come out!”

The woman yelled, rolled on the ground, then stood as if suffering from partial epilepsy, staggered around, and later fell on the ground again, this time only to wake up calmly and a little surprised. Later, she gave a third party story of how the demon has tortured her life- the woman didn’t look tortured by a demon, she looked unemployed.

While it is okay to survive in Nairobi, I find it inhuman to run million shillings company investing on people’s insecurities and their need for assurances. It is one thing to be in faith and another thing to want illogical guarantees. I remember last year December, I was having a good time with my friend Ochapo and a pastor, with no notice whatsoever, set up his public address outside the bar we were torturing our intestines. We had only had a few swallows. With several more swallows to go, we didn’t leave but listened. The pastor said that if you tried a business and failed, the God’s timing is not right. Ochapo looked at me, shook his bearded and bald head, ‘ I believe the issue is not god, these people lend too much to their extended families and they eventually close down.’ He went ahead to scratch his beard and explain how a deceased guy name McClelland explained the dependency theory. Although I didn’t understand a word Ochapo said, I knew business models also contributed to God’s timing. Ochapo is indeed a wise man from Nyanza.

I cannot adjudicate on how anyone decides to make a living, but I think churches should start publicly advertising acting jobs to create jobs for the youth. The universities should also start Theological Literature courses. If we must act in churches, in politics, in marriages, and in the office, I think we should make it a little not so obvious we have rehearsed.

I was watching a Kikuyu woman possessed by a Kikuyu demon when I heard a knock on the door. My brother stood at the door pointing at my house, ‘Do you have a girl in the house?
‘No, I am still a writer’ I painfully responded.
Later, I called the prayer line and delivered my 48 pages CV with the ambassador of Theological Literature as the main credential. If all goes well, you might see me on TV.

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