My arms grew feeble and shabby as my heart pumped. In pleasure and complaisance to the devil, my alpha viscera pumped the hot fluid out of me, leaving me dishy-washy and weak. For a moment, I think I died.
In a jiffy, reality caught up with me. I saw the cut for what it was. A huge harrow opening on the side of my neck. The cut was big enough to allow my other organs skip out of my body. Imagine what would happen if your lungs conspired to go out without you. The fact that I had never such a big and wide cut in me made me wonder…. Give your kidneys an opening wide enough and you will realize how funny they think.
The reality siphoned harder, making me whine more than a girl. My balls grew small and my pelvic muscles tightened. My hands could not support a spoon, leave alone stop a infuriated throbbing from an excited heart- it was on a Friday night. The baby me kept whispering, Ambrose, This is just a scratch. But deep in my two balls i knew it. Hivi Ndio Mtu Hukufa!
George Mrefu, may God bless your black grey face, Abundance brother! Jean took me to the school clinic. As I sat on the sanatorium bed, everything became far-flung and apocalyptic. There was a struggle within my spirit. Thin as air and wide as an ocean. Clear like a crystal yet dark as a night in a bloody dooms day. A bad struggle, extraneous, foreign but seductive sedulous. The urge to just give in and collapse was hypnotic.
Someone dipped a finger In my mouth and yelled as if someone had announced Jesus dressed like a thief. The day you see Jesus dressed like a thief, that is the day you die. And he will take you to heaven. Hot and ready. Gabriel ready to rush and call Lucifer, if your case lacks in the evidence of holiness…Lemmi not preach, rest i indulge in my mother’s calling. Watu wakae Holy!
“He has lost alooooot of blood” Now that yell scared me as torture .No time to process things, the sound yells again. “He needs a drip and call the Ambulance now”… “What is your person’s name? What is your Christian name? What is your forename? What is your girlfriend’s name? Please, stay with me! Stay with me! Call the Ambulance; No one is dying on me tonight!
I attempted to smile and assure the good lady that I am on like a plague. I wanted to open my eyes like a holocaust corpse in a doom winter and yell at her. Tell her me ain’t going nowhere. Everything was growing dimmer now. I sighed and said, I have died young.
I am now in the Ambulance and the lady is yelling again! This time on the phone to ‘the boss’ … The boss had some difficulties understanding why she needed the Ambulance … She hangs up and yell, yes she yelled again… Enda M.P- SHAH, he will never make it akienda Kenyatta.
Her reliance and shot shook my enervated body. A wave of anticipate and chances flew back. New possibilities! a new life! The urge to live crammed my desiccated body. I knew I had no blood but I had no beef purchasing some, I prayed to make it that far. I was determined to live, just for this nurse. I thought, ” Yes, nobody else is dying on you maam, Not tonight” And i prayed that God granted her a Friday of her wish. No deaths. Thank God…
I opened my ogles. Yes! My eyes looked horror and ancient. Everyone in the van had a wry face on me. George was scared. The nurse was sympathetic with a motherly face. The comrades remained loyal… Singing heroic war songs in their hearts as they watched one of their own go down. I knew how their Facebook Posts would read…. A comrade gone too soon… Rip Comrade… He lived a good life… We call for security… Magoha Must Go… And of course a few proverbs beginning with “No matter” ending with ” Can Never” will be invented. The last time a comrade die they said: NO MATTER how lazy a woman is, she CAN NEVER forget her buttocks at home. Then after a month they would speak of UEFA…
Despite the silence, everyone in the van shared a commonality, ACCEPTANCE. The nurse looked at me, rubbed my arms, she shook her head reassuringly. But we all knew it was not of this life. She was assuring me I have fought a good fight… Either way we all die… George tightened the grip of his hand around me and curved a unyielding masculine face, a face that meant the only one phrase… I am also scared Nigga, but I will be here to the end… I understood. I also accepted.
I glanced back at my life and agreed it was over, but too soon. Being a Christian I accept as true the next life, but this is not how I wanted to conclude my contemporary one. Either way, with equanimity and shrunken heart I appreciated the little I have had. Looking back into my years, I realized how narcissism life is. I condemned how I have cheered other people as they lived. I regretted that I had failed to encompass all the freedoms of life into one conscientious character.
As the siren grew outlying, I knew I was slighting in. I once again opened my ogles and whispered to George… I am not afraid… I knew I had to collapse and never wake up. I knew I would see everything for the last time.
At this moment, magic happens. At a day like Friday 31st January 2014, you appreciate that blue and white are just that! Blue and White! Looking at your friends you appreciate every hair of their being. I appreciate life and in hush thought through all the offers i had lived to ignored. I prayed to get just a few more second, i would use them appreciate the gleaming bulb on the ceiling. Five more seconds to listen at the siren.
One more minute of light, before stumbling to darkness forever. Soon I will be buried in the ground, …alone and lonely. Soil all over my ass and rain drops hitting fresh out of my scary bones.I assure you, an experience like this…. An authenticity like that, makes you see existence and realize the goodies.
I waited for it. I felt it coming. Then I embraced it. I FAINTED.
No pain has ever made me that happy. The pain cut through my neck. I didn’t care if Osano had followed me to the hospital to finish the assassination, but I was glad I was not dead yet. At least I had a few more minutes.
I feel the pain, but I don’t care, I just imagine… guess what? I AM DAMN ALIVE!. I feel! think! and breath victory!. A day like this changes a man. Since that day, my life is a 5 minutes bonus. I appreciate white color for being white. Since the Death Moment, water tastes better. My face is cuter. And My idea more Wise. I appreciate that I am living, to do just anything. Realizing how easy i can loose my life, gave my life to me.
I will live it working for that last moment. Of course, when it comes, I will beg for some more penny moments. Nevertheless, I will thumb my chest and say, “Well done, Ambrose! You have appreciated life” .. And I will dig my fingers deep in my grey hairs and sigh. Okay Bye!