Real Acquaintances- NaksVegas Episode 1

There is nothing real than having honorable Niggas for friends. A man with the ultimate luxury of true Niggas dwells in pride and rigidity, security and aggression or even better a man with real Niggas lives a first-fast lane life. A life of minimum planning and just going for it. Time is the prime factor. World gone crazy. This happened after Muriuki told us that he made ten years preparations for his marriage and only ended up marrying a lesbian. Our aggression went over board when news leaked that time is a principle concern. It does not matter how long you are, how handsome you are, how well u scribble in there, if you are a one-minute man, then life ain’t for yah’ Nigga. Fast lane means, using time effectively.Knowing the when’s even if you are not sure of the how’s and what’s. Tapering life by the balls with a cocky attitude.

More than often, in our horde, with my Niggas, we find ourselves in what Zack kinuthia calls, “Intellectual Confusion.”
When I first bruised shoulders with the term “ Intellectual Confusion”, I was in my first year in the University. I heard the bogus terminology from Zack Kinuthia… “A state when intelligence per cubic meter reaches saturation. Then you die!” Keep intelligent friends at your own peril. Zack warned. Zack is the guy I told you about, baptized by fire but still under his own steam in a marine of ice.

Zack features in many unique doctrines. The prodigy comes down as the only SONU chairperson to lead a holy, although very very weak SONU. Our pin-up star also finds his way into the books for being the only SONU chairman to be democratically elected . Most probably the last!

When I was a virgin in the ways of the big city, Zack showed me how to roast bananas using an electric coil- I hadn’t had the pleasure of using a coil before. He also made me cut my hair saying, “ Ehhh Bana, you have to join the corporate World Bana… Asikae Kama mwanafunzi tu… maisha imeanza Bro” That avowal was unhurriedly said as his hand shake my Afro hair forcing my bent ass-back to stagger with the pulls. I rushed straight to hall 5 Kinyozi and pulled down my one year old gown. I felt naked than an egg and baldier than my Uncle mande.
Three years down the line, Zack Kinuthia has a bushy head everywhere… After all those years, he has realized that it is never that serious. This means that you and I can’t trust a potential victim of conflict of identity. Therefore, I didn’t trust Zack Kinuthia on the definition nor the existence of the ‘Intellectual confusion theory’. But I kept his story.

When I told Mose about the tale in one of our drinking Joint, he quickly re-invented the term, swearing that the term was not his brainchild, but still intimidating me. “ Ambrose mimi nimeinvent vitu mob but hii sio yangu“ . He will then sip on his Vodka and use big words on the illiterate me, “This supposition was shamed by a mastermind of the classical music originating from state of the buffalo, the current Illinois state in America. Actually, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky claims to have had moment of brilliance before composing the sintaras of the theory.” With his momentum, I had only one choice. Agree to disagree. Then he explained the theory referred to intellectual explosion… when group ideas form a perfect matrix of reasoning resulting to moments of accelerated brilliance.

But today we don’t find ourselves submerged in the illegal thinking. You ever had days when you deliberated on chief issues until you scrammed your door? Guilty! But importantly afraid that the neighbor, who might have eavesdropped on your thoughts, has called 911. Guilty for knowing so many things, which make so much sense. On this chilly morning, in the mammoth blue bus, there is less critical thinking, everything was the way it should be. A relaxed life in a cold fast moving air in the hills of Rift Valley is what life should be. Everyone in the bus seemed to have left his or her lives in Nairobi. I could guess what was on those intelligent brains. “A day with a bunch of Orphans. Cool. Let’s do this shit” … And hell yeah, we did it.

As we cruised to NaksVegas , Brathe did not to explain how to win a living with something as fragile as a camera. Welli, Xpress solutions CEO does not brag of the new deal. Today, Collin Kane is giggling with the beautiful Miriam instead of pulling hair out of my black African head as he explain how his Bio-gas project is doing. George and Gody do not remind me of our mobile tutorial academy and all the emails we have to struggle with every day. And me above all, I don’t tell anyone about my problems and prospects. I just sit there, naïve like a virgin and holier than Kiuna… (hehehe that just doen’t fit there) I was holier than a priest !(better). I felt so relaxed and jovial.

Above my head, on the bus luggage holder was my Esther, my laptop. I call her Esther owed to her experience and age. Esther is not a name for girls who can’t tell the different between gnawing and blowing. Basically, not a name for a girl who texts things like, “ Xwiry’ or fake ass girls. Esther is a name for a lady, a symbol of an astute in the art, a strong calmer of the oceans, a wise wild cat lady, slow but ever sure. But I don’t wake up Esther and start checking my mails. Actually that was the idea when I boarded the bus an hour ago. Check mails, have a to-do list. Then after the charity events, I retire to a hotel and kill my list. But holding the Youghurt whiskey in my hand as I watched USIS big hearts tease, I postponed everything and made the calls. Luckily I had finished all big assignments for the day.

So I just sit at the corner of the school bus and watch Niggas get on each other. Behind me welli is maintaining Kanduthu, claiming to have had a vision on the whole ongoing EPL league table and he was willing to bet on his balls that Arsenal will win this thing. “Kanduthu I know how this whole things ends, alaa” Welli was saying, “I bet on my balls”… Hope the bet didn’t happen, and if so, lets remain friends, and marry a beautiful wife please. (What did I just say).
Two seats from where I was seated was Carol and Ezra. I tried not to eavesdrop, but I still heard what Ezra told her. She agreed with a shy giggle. Ezra sighed ready to say something but I quickly hummed. A hum that says, dude I can hear you, don’t get the details right now. Damn!

With that I moved to the back sit and drunk more of my yoghurt. I loved how the school bus hummed as the driver, his face rigid as a robot caressed the Knob of the gear. From my back seat, I could see his left overhang, caress the baldhead of the knob, shake it, then a release and the beast moaned rhythmically, sometimes in pleasure, others in stress. Either way I liked how the mammoth she-bus whined all the way. We are at Naivasha now.

Occasionally, a dude would just hurl past everyone and to my back sit. As a norm, he would snatch my Youghurt and down a little followed by a bigger sip and an exclamation, “Hii ni Form!” and I would just say, “Noma!”. Not everyone liked how my yoghurt tasted. Some made faces as if they have swallowed roofing nails.

I could see USIS executive make gestures over the noisy members crammed in the bus. Hurried summons would be made after every call confirming that Orphans and high School students are patiently waiting for us. The deliberations were followed by confirming call, be it rain or sun we would dine with those little souls.

Thirty minutes later we were at NaksVegas where we stayed for two days with a month old adventure. In nakuru I met Clarie. As we shake it out in the blue sky in Nakuru, Muriuki cried by the thought that we insisted to pay for our cabs. He wailed because some girls were denying him the ultimate pleasure of clearing their bills. Back in our hotel shit happened. Rooms were switched. Relationships lost… And everything must come to paper on . I must tell you about Pistis Children’s home & Night out in NaksVegas Blue Skies. Thus, we call this NaksVegas Episode 1.

Keep Heads High…

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