Friday: The Attempted Rape On Nairobi Men

There are women who will share men like a packet of doughnuts. Yes, share a round table, pinpoint unsuspecting men, and set a trap. In the end, they bed the same crew, which fishes them at different tables, and at time different bars. These girls will toy with your ego and make you feel you very raped, and if you are not akin, you will pay for it. They do this because they are just Nairobians and love never fed anyone. They tweet about how men are dogs and how a woman can spot a man (who is fucking him right) in a one Million-man match. These women work in packs, and once a crew is targeted, even the married dude end up raped. That is why since I got married, I never hang around my boys late at nights, lest I get raped and forced to use my rent to pay for it. And on that strange day, I merely escaped with my innocence.

I vividly remember my last attempted rape on my boys, which happened two years ago. It is mid 2014 and we are young, energetic, and with minimally dangerous responsibilities. As the norm, we hopped into a Taxi and headed to town with no specific destination in mind. We only knew we had to meet several other guys for a small meeting. That was one of those small meetings people fix on Friday nights because they really want to convince themselves they didn’t leave their houses for booze.

Inside the Taxi, we try to strike a serious conversation about what we would tell our guy Marto, and how we could squeeze a few more coins from Victor. But behind the conversation, you are carefully perusing though the Whiskeys in town and making probabilities. The though goes something like, “Today we might end up starting with some really bad Vodka because Jemmo doesn’t do Whiskey”. Then you remember the foody friend who will force everyone to eat citing very voluminous books with scare words like cancer. You smile at the thought of a man being so desperate for food.  We all know we want to hang out on Fridays, but we make these lame meetings.

Mark and I arrived in town a little early. Mark suggested a calm place we could catch up over a drink as we waited for the rest of the meeting members. I objected because Whiskey at 6:00 pm is suicidal. Instead, we went to Mojo where we had several beers as we waited. Honestly, I don’t know how many guys we were expecting because even if they didn’t make it, Mark and I were where we wanted to be. The hours passed fast. The way days without plans go. We call this and guy and that. Exchange a few emails. Take a meal and down a few shots to poison the four beers and make a little merry. Least did we know, Mark would be raped later in the wee hours of the morning.

At 11:30 pm, I am calling for Grace the shot girl to give us a round. At this time of the night, when you have can only manage an IQ of a cockroach, a bunch of friends creating temporarily but undeniable security, this is when men make bad decisions. Girls know this, so they struck. Out of the thick blues came a girl dressed in blue, with a blue character, and as I confirmed later, she had blue intentions too. She came and sits next to me in the adjacent table and got her Samsung phone to confirm to her sisters that the pack was on the move. I can’t help but think what her artificial and elongated nails were typing, ‘I am in position ladies’ or ‘We getting laid tonight’

One thing about a girl who want to fuck you without your consent, they play with your ego. Like they will just sit in a place where they know Mark will say, “Hey man, I dare you to talk to her”. The bottom line is, they will sting until you really want them. They act so hard a prey that you now really want to prove a point. In the back of my mind, something was certain; I didn’t want to hit It. Yes, there are those days a man might hit it. Those days when the probability is high that if a cat crosses you, you might hit. That was not one of those days. Most of us have had days when you look at a room with nine people, and all you can see is two solos and a very possible fivesum.

On that particular Friday, I want a good time, before my team was under siege. And because Mark never stops, I decided to feed my Ego a little and talk to the bluish girl. All i wanted was to prove a point. I had not intention of getting anyone wet. So I just tickled her waist, bought afew drinks and danced very suggestively but my plans remained very unadultered and simple. Roll it over for one more hour and get a cab home.

These women put it all the effort when you are now leaving Mojo to wherever you pay your rent. It is around 1:30 am and we call the cab guy, and that is when the plan got complicated. I would be dropped first, then the ladies, then Mark and another guy we weren’t sure where he was going, but all in all we were to be dropped.

‘Njoro, you will drop me first, Start at Thika road’ I said to Njoro the cab.

‘Sawa sawa’ Njoro hummed without giving it a though

‘You guys aint serious that the night is over, or we go to our house we Kinda warm it up’ Betty said trying to look oblivion of the game changing words tripping out of her mouth.

‘I got a very early Morning tomorrow, maybe Mark you could go on’ I intervene before Betty idea could sink while I tried not to say something lame like ‘Thanks but I don’t wanna hit it’

If you have been in the streets long enough, you know that when a girl says you can go to her house because she has some wine, and she has waited until you are too close to your house, that means one thing- I am coming to your house, and I want some wine. The tricky part is when you and your lame friend Mark do not see it the same way. If Mark sees it as a jackpot, and Mark is your friend, the possibility is high that you will be raped. And it doesn’t really matter where it happens, but I will happen before you can sober up enough.

‘I thought Mark stays around these parts too’ It was Dez who responded because she was handling Mark and Betty was on my case.

‘Yeah, my house is a good idea’ Mark responded. Just because he is Mark, we were screwed.

The test of time dictates that the girls never parts at night. They will either sleep at Marks or go home. You look at Mark, and you can see honestly he want to hit it, and if he doesn’t he will never forgive you. You weigh your options. Maybe I get dropped home, and Mark will go drying. After consulting yourself, and remembering the Money Mark spent and his hopes and wishes, you decide to go to his house, Keep Betty busy and let him hit Dez, then leave early. That sounds like a plan, only that you don’t remember there is some wine and possible sex orgies.

On the other side, there is you, your ego, which is the tool of their entertainment, and the little man with no brain. How i survived that night only God knows, and honestly I have never come that close to be raped in my life. Mark got raped consistently, and he like it. As we all seek to change friends who make you vulnerable to having sex without your consent, because you bought a few beers, let’s say no more raping. Women should chill Yawa. And their punch line is always, “You can’t hit it because you can’t” And at that point, an average man is supposed to hung his pants on his shoulders, shake his manhood and hit it up. Not most men can get past an ego attack and not fuck someone to prove a point. And that should be considered as rape.

The bottom line
“One thing about being a gentleman or a good lady friend is being comfortable in one or two friend zones. Like seriously, no one has to sleep with everyone, some people do it like a competition.

And that is a philosophy someone gets after very many years of being a really bad boy. At this phase you are certain of one thing: This one right here is just like the other one.

And i really believe that 75% of sex and screwing around that happen in the World is instigated by ladies. Let us not lie about it. Men are being innocently raped out there. Some things really need a comprehensive research. At least I know that every man has gone through at least one rape, or attempted rape in his life. And it is very unfortunate that 90% are not always lucky as I was.

Ladies use that philosophy of ‘If you aint hitting it, then you are a P too”. So you look at life, and your elongated Ego, which is now under siege and you are going down. If you think I am wrong, How many ladies can handle a man telling them, “You are lovely, I agree, but I just don’t wanna hit It… I am all cool girl. Or even lamer lines like, ” I didn’t plan for this today”.

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